Posts in Self-Awareness
It's All You

Most people go through life feeling like it’s more or less random.  

Might that be you?

You’re managing, sure.  You’ve got a pretty good handle on most things –– you get up in the morning and have your beverage of choice, go to work, interfacing with mostly the same people, doing the same things, thinking the same thoughts, hit repeat and do it again tomorrow.  You do all the right things, mostly, and so everything works, mostly.

All well and good, until...

You launch that product or service you thought was really great, and it totally flops.

Your in-laws just. won’t. change. those super annoying habits.

The government, hhmm, shall we say, Trump?...does something that feels out of your hands.

The control you’ve asserted in the past, worked.

The control you’re trying to assert now, doesn’t.

Wtf gives?

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Who are you now?

The stories that replay in your head can be so loud.

The things they said, you thought were true.

The way you used to feel shows up in your now, taking you back to when you were three when your father left, when you were twelve when the kids on the playground made fun of you, or from your more recent past when you chose yourself instead of him.

Echoes from your past,

“Who do you think you are?”

“Get over it.”

“You’re not as good as her or as pretty as her.”

“You’ll never amount to anything.”

“Put up and shut up.”

The voice of scorn, “Your work isn’t good enough”, “No one will ever want to marry you”, “You want too much,” or, “You think the whole universe revolves around you, don’t you?” (Well yes, as a matter of fact it does, thank you.)

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Where Has The Love Gone?

Where once there was connection and the warm and fuzzies, now the love between you has slithered away leaving layers of scaly resentment, anger and frustration.  

When you first met, you loved-him-so.  He left sparkles and fairy-dust in his tracks.  He painted your toenails, fluffed your pillows, paid attention to you in ways that made you feel really special, and looked longingly into your eyes.  If someone were looking-at-you-looking-at-him, all that could be seen were big hearts bursting out of your eyeballs as you gazed adoringly at him.  You easily overlooked his "flaws" ("What flaws?!?", you asked), his messes and gruff manor around anything emotional.  "Perfection, manifested," you thought.

Then one day, you noticed something about him that seemed like a flaw in the perfection package. You gave it some thought; maybe you discussed it with your friend(s). You may have decided you should discuss it with him, asking him to stop doing (or change) that thing because it made you feel irritated, bothered, angry or bad in some way.

So he did.  Kind of.  

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Tiny Boxes

We categorize, pigeonhole and put things in their places.  

We construct tiny boxes and fill them with things that fit into them.  Even with love...

I love you...If.

I love you...When.

I love you...Because.

Do this - and I love and approve of you.

Which can also mean  - I don't love you if, when or because.

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Relationships Built on Eggshells

Admit it - don't you sometimes (maybe often) think that if everyone would change a little and be more to your liking, it would be so much better for you?  A little tweak here another tweak there; stop doing this and start doing that.  

You know - that annoying thing your mother does.  You really love her, but...

And your sister - if she'd be more responsive...she's such a flake. 

Your friend - if he would just like your FB and Instagram posts.  You really like him but he's kind of a dick for that. 

Your significant other - if she'd be more responsible with her time (that would be nice). 

Your teenage daughter - if she were less moody (that would be really nice).

Your co-workers - if they weren't so negative (your day at work would be so much better). 

Wouldn't your world be so much shinier and full of rainbows if everyone was the version of what you wanted them to be?  You know, more like your dog - more loveable, sweeter, cooperative and always eager to please you? Like...all the time!

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Your Thoughts Are Like Seeds

Your thoughts are like seeds.  Every time you think them, it's like adding fertilizer to them.

Plant a seed, it grows.  

Think a thought longer, you're fertilizing it and it's growing even more.

Want an apple tree?  Plant an apple seed.  

Want tomatoes?  Plant tomato seeds.

Want asparagus? 

 ...You get the picture.  

If you want asparagus but plant corn, you're going to get corn.

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11 Ways To Ignite More Positive Thoughts

Just as you can go far and wide online, your mind also has the ability to go to all sorts of places. 

The difference is, you often manage the places you go online with more intention than you do your thoughts. 

Sometimes you let your thoughts go in all sorts of directions for no other reason than it’s what you always do.  It's a habit.  

The more you think about anything, the easier it gets to keep thinking about it in the same ole', same ole' way.  

Your thoughts attract not only what you're thinking about but also more thoughts similar to the ones you're thinking.  

Thank you, Law of Attraction.  

So if you're thinking about something (which makes it easier to think more thoughts like it) how do you get out of the loop of similar thoughts if you don't like the thoughts you're thinking?  (was that a brain-twister of a sentence, or what?)

One way is to make a decision that you’re going to think only if what you're thinking about feels good.  Any subject that doesn’t feel good when you're broaching it, you don't think about. (ie...politics anyone???).  

Another approach is to feel good and then think.  When you feel good, you're more likely to think about stuff in a way that matches-up with the good-feeling you have.  If you feel good and stumble upon a thought that doesn't feel good, for the time being, get off the subject. Getting off the subject when it doesn't feel good is like jumping off the train before it crashes. That's a good thing.  

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How Do You Like Me Now?

No matter who you are, you’re “in relationship” with someone. 

That can be someone you're living with, in a romantic relationship with, a friend, a relative, an employee, a boss, co-worker, a child or even your dog.  It can also be the people you mingle with in traffic, at the store, restaurant, or bar.  

And certainly yourself.  

The way to good relationships is not by pointing out faults or by putting attention on the things that bother you.  Neither is a good relationship cultivated by needing the person you’re in relationship with to change or to be different than they are.  

What you focus on expands and what you think about becomes your reality whether you like it or not.  

If you want things to be different, it’s up to you to focus differently.  

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