Posts in Relationships
Where Has The Love Gone?

Where once there was connection and the warm and fuzzies, now the love between you has slithered away leaving layers of scaly resentment, anger and frustration.  

When you first met, you loved-him-so.  He left sparkles and fairy-dust in his tracks.  He painted your toenails, fluffed your pillows, paid attention to you in ways that made you feel really special, and looked longingly into your eyes.  If someone were looking-at-you-looking-at-him, all that could be seen were big hearts bursting out of your eyeballs as you gazed adoringly at him.  You easily overlooked his "flaws" ("What flaws?!?", you asked), his messes and gruff manor around anything emotional.  "Perfection, manifested," you thought.

Then one day, you noticed something about him that seemed like a flaw in the perfection package. You gave it some thought; maybe you discussed it with your friend(s). You may have decided you should discuss it with him, asking him to stop doing (or change) that thing because it made you feel irritated, bothered, angry or bad in some way.

So he did.  Kind of.  

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Tiny Boxes

We categorize, pigeonhole and put things in their places.  

We construct tiny boxes and fill them with things that fit into them.  Even with love...

I love you...If.

I love you...When.

I love you...Because.

Do this - and I love and approve of you.

Which can also mean  - I don't love you if, when or because.

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Relationships Built on Eggshells

Admit it - don't you sometimes (maybe often) think that if everyone would change a little and be more to your liking, it would be so much better for you?  A little tweak here another tweak there; stop doing this and start doing that.  

You know - that annoying thing your mother does.  You really love her, but...

And your sister - if she'd be more responsive...she's such a flake. 

Your friend - if he would just like your FB and Instagram posts.  You really like him but he's kind of a dick for that. 

Your significant other - if she'd be more responsible with her time (that would be nice). 

Your teenage daughter - if she were less moody (that would be really nice).

Your co-workers - if they weren't so negative (your day at work would be so much better). 

Wouldn't your world be so much shinier and full of rainbows if everyone was the version of what you wanted them to be?  You know, more like your dog - more loveable, sweeter, cooperative and always eager to please you? Like...all the time!

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How Do You Like Me Now?

No matter who you are, you’re “in relationship” with someone. 

That can be someone you're living with, in a romantic relationship with, a friend, a relative, an employee, a boss, co-worker, a child or even your dog.  It can also be the people you mingle with in traffic, at the store, restaurant, or bar.  

And certainly yourself.  

The way to good relationships is not by pointing out faults or by putting attention on the things that bother you.  Neither is a good relationship cultivated by needing the person you’re in relationship with to change or to be different than they are.  

What you focus on expands and what you think about becomes your reality whether you like it or not.  

If you want things to be different, it’s up to you to focus differently.  

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I stand among you beautiful human souls,

You...of all shapes, sizes, colors and backgrounds.

And I love you. 


I want nothing from you.

You...your presence is enough.

And I love you.

All I your beauty. 

I bask.

And I love you.

I look into your eyes, into the depths of your soul.

It’s not demons that I see.

Only magnificence.

You...the raw truth.

And I love you.

What you perceive as flaws, shames or defeat,

Are what make you beautiful – beauty marks and power lines.

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If Only You Were Different - I Would Like You So Much More

Imagine you have a dog.  He's a lovely dog, mostly.  You enjoy having a dog around, yes you do.  It's comfortable and it has it's perks - like companionship and someone to play with.  "Having a dog around is a good thing", you think.  

Now imagine that you'd like your dog so much more if he didn't insist on being fed at a certain time, or if he were less selective about his food. You'd also like him more if he stopped whining and didn't bark like a dog.  If he didn't leave muddy paw prints on your floor and dog hair on your clothes you'd be so much less annoyed - let alone hogging the (your) bed and the snoring at night while you're trying to sleep.  

In other words, if he would change just a little here and a little there, and if he would alter this and adjust that - you'd be so much happier with him. If he were less like a dog and more who-you-want-him-to-be, your world would be so much better, wouldn't it?

Is that kind-of how you feel about your mate/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend?  

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Live and Let Live

What a mom believes is love for her child is ridiculous over-indulgence to you.

What you think is easy and manageable may be hard and unmanageable to someone else.  

What you believe to be an appropriate and timely way to respond to emails is a distraction and splitting of focus to another.

What you think is organized is someone else’s version of chaos.

What scatter-brained is to you may be creativity to another.

What over-ripe banana is to you may be perfectly sweet and delicious to someone else.

What you consider ho-hum boring and downright uninspiring could be stimulating and fantastically awesome to another. 

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To All of You Who Have Ever Felt Responsible for How Someone Else Feels (which is probably just about everybody on this planet)

It started when you were young.  When your parents became parents.  And when theirs became parents.  Long before that, still.

They were bigger than you.  You had no hair, no teeth, could only see vague colorless shapes, couldn’t sit, couldn’t feed yourself and pee’d yourself. 

No wonder they thought they were more full of wisdom than your diapers. 

You were their sole responsibility and they took that responsibility seriously.  It was their assignment to show you the way, to guide you, and to hold red flags up to all of the things you should watch out for. 

According to the World Book of Parenting - they the parents, were here to teach you lessons.

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Every Relationship You Have, Is About You. Really.

We fall in love.  We project how we feel onto somebody else. 

They’re the reason we feel this good.  They’re the reason we feel this awful. 

We read relationship books.  We learn to communicate Mars to Venus and Venus to Mars. 

We sit cross-legged facing each other muttering the words, “What I hear you saying is this…” 

We try to fix them and then decide to fix ourselves

We change ourselves and try to change them.

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