It's All You

Most people go through life feeling like it’s more or less random.  

Might that be you?

You’re managing, sure.  You’ve got a pretty good handle on most things –– you get up in the morning and have your beverage of choice, go to work, interfacing with mostly the same people, doing the same things, thinking the same thoughts, hit repeat and do it again tomorrow.  You do all the right things, mostly, and so everything works, mostly.

All well and good, until...

You launch that product or service you thought was really great, and it totally flops.

Your in-laws just. won’t. change. those super annoying habits.

The government, hhmm, shall we say, Trump?...does something that feels out of your hands.

The control you’ve asserted in the past, worked.

The control you’re trying to assert now, doesn’t.

Wtf gives?

Read More
Who are you now?

The stories that replay in your head can be so loud.

The things they said, you thought were true.

The way you used to feel shows up in your now, taking you back to when you were three when your father left, when you were twelve when the kids on the playground made fun of you, or from your more recent past when you chose yourself instead of him.

Echoes from your past,

“Who do you think you are?”

“Get over it.”

“You’re not as good as her or as pretty as her.”

“You’ll never amount to anything.”

“Put up and shut up.”

The voice of scorn, “Your work isn’t good enough”, “No one will ever want to marry you”, “You want too much,” or, “You think the whole universe revolves around you, don’t you?” (Well yes, as a matter of fact it does, thank you.)

Read More
Where Has The Love Gone?

Where once there was connection and the warm and fuzzies, now the love between you has slithered away leaving layers of scaly resentment, anger and frustration.  

When you first met, you loved-him-so.  He left sparkles and fairy-dust in his tracks.  He painted your toenails, fluffed your pillows, paid attention to you in ways that made you feel really special, and looked longingly into your eyes.  If someone were looking-at-you-looking-at-him, all that could be seen were big hearts bursting out of your eyeballs as you gazed adoringly at him.  You easily overlooked his "flaws" ("What flaws?!?", you asked), his messes and gruff manor around anything emotional.  "Perfection, manifested," you thought.

Then one day, you noticed something about him that seemed like a flaw in the perfection package. You gave it some thought; maybe you discussed it with your friend(s). You may have decided you should discuss it with him, asking him to stop doing (or change) that thing because it made you feel irritated, bothered, angry or bad in some way.

So he did.  Kind of.  

Read More
Tiny Boxes

We categorize, pigeonhole and put things in their places.  

We construct tiny boxes and fill them with things that fit into them.  Even with love...

I love you...If.

I love you...When.

I love you...Because.

Do this - and I love and approve of you.

Which can also mean  - I don't love you if, when or because.

Read More
What's That Supposed to Mean?

"What are you making it mean?"

Sounds like a simple question.  What I'm referring to are the meanings you link to experiences and events in your life that you use to define who you are or are not; who others are or are not; and what the world is or is not.  

Meanings involve what you're capable or incapable of and what possibilities or improbabilities lie before you.  Meanings interweave with your beliefs and expectations.  

So how bound are you to those meanings?  

When someone says something to you in that tone of voice - what do you make it mean about you, or about them?  You might make it mean you did something wrong, they're an idiot, they're in a bad mood, or that you're responsible for how they feel.  

When you get (or don't get) something you want - what do you make it mean?  You might make it mean that it's your doing, or someone else's.  Maybe it's just luck, random, coincidence or that this one-time or every time things go your way? Or maybe it's that things don't ever go your way (or rarely do) and that it's someone else's fault you didn't get what you want?

Read More
Relationships Built on Eggshells

Admit it - don't you sometimes (maybe often) think that if everyone would change a little and be more to your liking, it would be so much better for you?  A little tweak here another tweak there; stop doing this and start doing that.  

You know - that annoying thing your mother does.  You really love her, but...

And your sister - if she'd be more responsive...she's such a flake. 

Your friend - if he would just like your FB and Instagram posts.  You really like him but he's kind of a dick for that. 

Your significant other - if she'd be more responsible with her time (that would be nice). 

Your teenage daughter - if she were less moody (that would be really nice).

Your co-workers - if they weren't so negative (your day at work would be so much better). 

Wouldn't your world be so much shinier and full of rainbows if everyone was the version of what you wanted them to be?  You know, more like your dog - more loveable, sweeter, cooperative and always eager to please you? Like...all the time!

Read More
Your Thoughts Are Like Seeds

Your thoughts are like seeds.  Every time you think them, it's like adding fertilizer to them.

Plant a seed, it grows.  

Think a thought longer, you're fertilizing it and it's growing even more.

Want an apple tree?  Plant an apple seed.  

Want tomatoes?  Plant tomato seeds.

Want asparagus? 

 ...You get the picture.  

If you want asparagus but plant corn, you're going to get corn.

Read More