We fall in love. We project how we feel onto somebody else.
They’re the reason we feel this good. They’re the reason we feel this awful.
We read relationship books. We learn to communicate Mars to Venus and Venus to Mars.
We sit cross-legged facing each other muttering the words, “What I hear you saying is this…”
We try to fix them and then decide to fix ourselves.
We change ourselves and try to change them.
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You don’t get to where you want to by believing everything you hear.
You don’t fulfill your dreams by pursuing someone else’s.
What’s true for someone else isn’t necessarily what’s true for you. Nor does it have to be.
Nothing much changes in your current reality if you’re obsessed with the realness of it.
It takes some fortitude to live in this world and focus on what you want when there’s so much that contradicts it.
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Imagine telling a 4 year old that in the future, she’ll be living somewhere else – not with her parents, siblings or her toys; making her own mac ‘n cheese, sleeping in her own bed every single night (or someone else’s, who knows), buying her own stuff and driving her own car.
Ya…that would go over well, wouldn’t it?
Said child would flail about and be gripped with fear that what she’s come to know would change and uncertainty would come in and swoop her up into a reality she couldn’t yet comprehend.
She might be able to imagine going to pre-school or kindergarten. She may be able to grasp going on a day-trip, a vacation or shopping for new toys. None of that’s too far from her established beliefs or from what she’s experienced.
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Something’s got-you-by-the-tail. It’s got you swimming around in that head of yours - around and around and around.
You just keep swimmin’, just keep swimmin’, just keep swimmin’…
What-oh-what do you do about it?
Ignore it. Yes, you read that right. Ignore it.
“That doesn’t make any sense”, you say. “I’ve always thought about what’s bothering me. In fact, I find it hard not to talk about it. I want to talk about it, and I’ve been told by so many other wise humans that talking about it makes it go away. And so I do it often. A lot. Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do?”
I mean ignore it – for awhile. Set it aside; think less about it – until you feel better.
When you’re talking about what’s bothering you, what are you talking about? What’s bothering you. And how do you feel? Bothered....
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How do you have automatic positive thoughts?
Well, the answer to that is, you probably don’t…especially if you’ve practiced more automatic negative-feeling thoughts than good-feeling ones.
It not only depends on the subject, but it can also be about your general habitual outlook on life.
So if your habit on a specific subject, or on life in general is more tilted in the negative slant….
It’s going to take some practice...
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Things aren't always going to go as planned, or as you had hoped.
You planned a trip, a natural-birth, a speech, a life.
The trip never happened, the baby came three months early by c-section, your speech was a bust, and your life doesn't look the way you thought it would right now.
Hang in there...
Reveal - the opportunity.
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No one wants to be rejected, but we've all been there, haven't we?
You put yourself out there, you let her know how you feel, and she doesn't feel the same way.
You applied for your dream job and they gave it to someone else.
You've been in a committed relationship for a year or decades and he leaves (or he decides he wants something different).
You offer a product or a service and the only person who bought it was the friend you paid to buy it.
Rejection. It sucks. Big time.
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The reality you’re living is real.
Dammit….you face it every day. Every day when you look at your sales. Every day when you look at your bank account. Every day when you go to the grocery store. Or when you want to buy something you can’t afford.
It’s real. The numbers don’t lie.
You can’t possibly dream of another reality because this is the one you’re knee-deep into.
But you want something different. You want some things to change.
You want to live a better life....
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