Every Relationship You Have, Is About You. Really.

We fall in love.  We project how we feel onto somebody else. 

They’re the reason we feel this good.  They’re the reason we feel this awful. 

We read relationship books.  We learn to communicate Mars to Venus and Venus to Mars. 

We sit cross-legged facing each other muttering the words, “What I hear you saying is this…” 

We try to fix them and then decide to fix ourselves

We change ourselves and try to change them.

We dig far into our past and drag it into our now.  Issues we can’t get over; issues we move past.

We become more as a result of this relationship. 

At the heart of most relationships is a misunderstanding that it’s the other person’s job to make us happy.  

Dissatisfaction, disappointment and disillusionment ensue. 

Relationships based on trying to please another, or trying to avoid someone getting upset create resentment when the one you’re trying to please isn’t pleased and the one you’re avoiding upsetting gets upset.    

It was never their job to make you happy and to be sure you stayed that way. 

Every relationship you’ve ever had has contributed to who you are now.  Every person you’ve ever been in a relationship with, has been of enormous value to you.

Our differences stimulate expansion and new ideas.  We’re not meant to be the same.  There’s value in having different opinions. 

Having an opinion doesn’t mean pushing against the opinions of others. 

Don’t try to fix anyone.  No one needs fixing. 

Don’t ask someone else to change so that you can feel better.

Don’t ask them to understand you – understand yourself and it won’t matter to you how well they understand  you. 

Don’t ask anyone to put you first – no one can keep that commitment all the time.

Don’t let their opinion of you matter more than your opinion of you.

Be selfish enough to want to feel good.

Give yourself the credit for how you feel – don’t blame the other person.

You in a relationship with anyone - is about you

Don’t make it about them.