Ask a Different Question. It's Important.
Why are questions important?
Because the questions you ask make you more aware of the answers. If you don't ask a question, the answer might be smack-dab-in-your-face and you wouldn't know it, so asking a question makes you more aware of the answers that are there.
If I said to you, “It’s a cat” and you hadn’t asked me a question similar to, “What kind of animal is that?”, you’d have no idea what I was talking about and you'd look at me like I was a crazy lady. Awkwaaaaard.
In addition to that, if you're asking questions and not liking the answers, maybe it's time to have a look-see at the questions and what the questions are highlighting. If your questions are more pointed at the problems you don't want vs. the solutions you do want, the answers you continue to attract will be more of a match to the problems rather than the solutions.
Imagine heading to the right with your car, when what you want is to the left. You most likely wouldn't do that. You'd head left if what you wanted or where you wanted to end up was to the left.
Do that with your questions. Lean them more in the direction of solutions, vs. continuing to ask the questions that highlight the problems.
To get a different answer, you must ask a different question.
If the question you're asking doesn't feel good to you, you're pointed in the direction of the problem. If the question you're asking feels pretty good to you, you're leaning more in the direction of the solution - therefore you're going to receive an answer that's more solution-oriented than problem-based.
Does this make sense?
You can be focused on possibility and opportunity or you can be focused on lack and limitations. Whatever you're focused on will evoke the question from you, which means that the answer will be more inclined in one direction or the other.
The essence of your question determines the quality of your answers.
Ask a better-feeling question.
A better-feeling question will lead your answers to different outcomes, answers, experiences or outlooks. Ask a question that feels better and the answer must also feel better.
Ask the questions that lead you to the answers you’re looking for, rather than what you’ve got that you don’t want.
It's the difference between...
Solution vs. more of the problem.
What's right with this picture vs. what's wrong with this picture?
What's going well, vs. what's going wrong?
What do I like, vs. what don't I like?
There's value in asking and thereby pointing out what the problem is, or what's wrong, but once you've asked *that* question and found an answer, move on. Why keep asking the same question? If I asked you, "Why keep asking the same question? Why keep asking the same question? Why keep asking the same question?", over and over and over and over again (as I just did), you'd not only be annoyed but you'd also tell me to move on if I wanted a different answer, don't you think? ;)
So, here some questions to consider:
· Is there something else I can believe?
· Is there another perspective I can choose that feels better?
· What’s good about this?
· How much fun can I have?
· How easy can I let this be?
· How do I prefer to feel?
· What do I like about you?
This is just a short list...I could write a book on questions to ask yourself. These are a good start though. I'm sure you can come up with plenty more on your own.
Just remember to feel the question. After you've posed a question, or before you're about to, ask yourself, "Does this question feel good when I ask it, or is there another question I could ask that would feel better to me?"
You can apply that approach to any subject.
In addition to paying attention to the quality of your questions, there are also some things you can practice daily that can help improve how you feel.
Why does improving how you feel matter?
How you feel is what you're getting. How you feel is always being affirmed to you by how your world is responding to you. How you feel is what you get more of. How you feel affects your perspective, what you notice in your life, what the stories are that you tell, and how you tell them.
How you feel is everything.
How you feel is the basis of what you say, what you do, how and who you be.
How you feel matters.
Try these out:
- Look for points of harmony instead of disharmony or wrongness.
- Look for pros instead of cons.
- Look for benefits instead of detriments.
- Look for positive aspects instead of negative aspects.
- Look for ways to appreciate instead of ways to criticize or complain.
- Look for what you like instead of what you dislike.
- Look for ways to make the best of it instead of ways to make the worst of it.
- Look for well-being and wellness instead of sickness or deterioration.
- Look for what’s right instead of what’s wrong.
- Look for what’s going well instead of what might be going “wrong”.
- Look for what feels good instead of what feels off, wrong or bad.·
- Look for reasons to compliment and praise instead of reasons to disparage or insult.
- Look for reasons to make peace instead of writhing against.
- Look for reasons to be willing instead of being unwilling.
- Look for reasons to be flexible instead of being rigid.
Look for any and all of these where they *already* exist.
What does that mean?
It means - compliment and praise when it's easy. Be flexible where its easiest for you to be flexible. Amplify the pro's of something that you already feel good about. Notice what feels good about the things you feel good about.
Trying to make yourself feel willing about something you've been writhing against isn't helpful and it's harder than it needs to be. Keep it easy. Make it easy. Practice those good-feeling thoughts around the things that are the easiest. Once you've done that consistently, those things that were more challenging for you to see the "good" in, will be easier as well.
Go ahead….give it a try.